don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
