Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
