talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
