just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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