I think I am morally bankrupt
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
