I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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