I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
