I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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