Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
