Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you will always have a special place in my vag
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
not ubering you a puppy
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