You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
