I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
