I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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