don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
