hotel room ftw
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dignity is for republicans.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
