Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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