I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
