I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
be right there i have to get my cape
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
