Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
