What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
