Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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