omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize