I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
