i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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