I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
