Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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