I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
