you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
