i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
