I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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