There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
