i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
