RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize