so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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