i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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