i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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