dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
babies were throwing up all over the place
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
