All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
