My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
well you can't waste a boner
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
