Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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