I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
