If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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