So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
