I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
