Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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