She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
