seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
