I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
