I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
