Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
