i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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