If that was your dad, he is hot
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
