why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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