is your mom at the bar?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
