Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize