forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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