we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
