I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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