the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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