I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize