I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
