I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
