I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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