I want to walk on stilts...naked
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
