she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
they need to just BURY HIM!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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